Yugioh and the Martini of DOOM
by SV Green
Summary: A torrential downpour threatens to kill Yami's weekend until a houseparty invite arrives. Unfortunately, it's never that simple when ancient spirits, a sinister vial of something evil and voices in your head are involved.Rated T for drunken antics.YugixOC
1. Don't Take my Sunshine Away

Yugioh and the Martini of DOOM

The wind whislted throught the trees, the branches almost dancing to the violent weather. Yami sat in his armchair beside the windowsill, staring out into the grey-white of the scene beyond the window.

"..and it's gonna be raining all week so get used to it and... ". Yami switched off the TV. The weather-man was definately loosing his edge

(and his hair).

"Nothing but rain all weak?!" Yami turned to the window, almost pleading to the clouds. It had been raining for three days now and Yugioh, like everyone else, was ready to forget what the sun looked like.

The door creaked open and the bitter wind blew through, making Yami shiver in his chair as the cold hit him.

"I'm back" said Yugi, taking off about 16 layers of jumpers and collapsing on the lounge. "Gandpa had to close the shop, it's so cold out there the cards on display froze solid.

"It's gonna be like this for a week or more" Yami moaned. "Why can't we have just one sunny day, just one!?".

The window beside his chair blew open, wind blowing so hard it knocked him off his chair and torrents of rain followed, drenching Yami while Yugi fought the wind to shut the window. Then Yugi turned around and sniggered, making a half-hearted attempt at not laughing at Yami sitting in a puddle of cold water, his purple and yellow hair blown back like a Dragonball Z character.

" Looks like Goku's got competition in the Wierd Hair Monopoly" Yugi grinned,trying not to explode with hysterical laughter. He handed Yami a mirror and waited for the reaction.

"ARRRGGG!" Yami cringed at his reflection, then realising it was his reflection, frantically shook his head, trying to get rid of the hairstyle all the while Yugi rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"Stop laughing!!" Yami growled, throwing a cushion in his direction with one hand and yanking his hair down with the other.

Yugi hauled himself from the floor, trying to take Yami seriously with the hedgehog hairdo.

"I forgot to tell you, Duke's having a party, he wanted me to tell you" said Yugi, recovering from his laughing fit.

Yami stopped fighting with his hair and stared wide-eyed at Yugi, a grin creeping over his face.

"In your face rain, you're not ruining this weekend" Yami did a celebratory lap of the room, fists raised to the sky.

"He said after the last party, you guys drank him dry so you've gotta bring alchohol this time" said Yugi, memories of Joey's drunken impressions making him cringe in horror. "Yami, don't get drunk this time ok" Yugi pleaded, also remembering the hangovers that had followed after the last party. "You've gotta get to your new job at Kaiba Corp Technical Support Centre tomorrow".

But Yami was still celebrating, not even paying attention to the furniture, let alone Yugi.


	2. Driving Me Crazy

_Author's Note_

I haven't had much success in the review department (except for **InsaneYGOlover** and **Anime-Pixie255**, thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it) and so I ask that you review or I'll discontinue the story and start something tonnes more interesting (For me that is).

_**Enjoy and Please Review!**_

Art of the Drunken Bastard

Yami sat back in the passenger seat of the Ford Focus, listening to the soothing chorus of the heavy rain on the car roof, trying to convince himself that this party was going to end up like most other parties. Drunken antics, laughs all round and the worst that could happen was a hangover.

"Yami, remember how you promised to watch how much you drink?" said Yugi clutching the steering wheel from stress so hard his knuckles went white. "Don't to get drunk and make a idiot of yourself this time, please!" Yugi begged, cringing in horror as the memories for Yami's last hangover replayed in his mind. The car briefly swerved but Yugi quickly regained control (over both the car and the torrents of crippling memories).

"Yugi, relax. It's a party, you're meant to enjoy it, not spend it counting my drinks" Yami laughed, praying Yugi didn't run over someone in his anxious state.

"But what if Malic and Bakura turn up…. oh boy, did Duke invite Malic and Bakura!?"

Yugi slammed on the brakes, almost catapulting Yami through the windscreen.

"He invited everyone," said Yami a-matter-of-factly, ignoring Yugi's panicked state.

"Oh man, those homicidal idiots are going to try something the minute you get drunk!" Yugi was working himself further and further into a fit of anxiety.

"I'm a ancient spirit from times of sorcery, I think I can hold myself against those two" Yami said, the shadows of the passing street lamps casting shadows over his face. "Even if I'm drunk," he said with a grin.

"All I'm saying is watch out. They're going to try something, and it's going to end in disaster" Yugi sighed, submitting to inevitable catastrophe.

"Yugi, calm down, we won't even get to the party if you have a nervous breakdown" soothed Yami, hoping that it wouldn't really happen.

"I guess you're right, but keep an eye out, this is going to end badly, I know it." Yugi brought the car back onto the road. "But I don't want it to end worse than it has to".

The car trip to Duke's villa passed quickly and uneventfully (except for a few close calls, one involving a truck, a Vesper and a herd of psychotic ducks). The constant rain showed no sign of easing up, the wind was _still_ howling in the night but the party at Duke's sounded like it just getting warmed up. Yami and Yugi arrived at the same time as Pegasus, Kaiba and Mai, and within minutes of waiting on the doorstep, conversation soon broke out while Kaiba hammered the doorbell repeatedly.

"Well if it isn't Kaiba and Yugi-boy! My, my, I haven't seen you in ages!" Pegasus greeted them with the mock warmth. "The weather's been dismal, and I haven't had a chance to get outdoors for a week, my private swimming pool's flooded the whole back of my mansion!" he continued, ignoring the obvious hostility towards him. "But this party's bound to warm things up, I brought the best brandy money could buy!"

Yugi cringed. He'd been dreading the alcoholic beverage since the invite. Yami had two weaknesses: one was expensive brandy; the other was _free_ expensive brandy. Yami's face lit up as Pegasus drew the chubby bottle of ridiculously expensive alcohol out of his coat pocket. It was at that point that Yugi gave up all hope for Yami.

"Hey, do you guys know where Joey and Tristan are?" asked Mai, looking anxious.

"Yeah… they said they were going on a trip," said Yugi, hoping Mai wouldn't pursue the subject. Then it dawned on him. Since Tristan and Joey weren't there, Yami and him (well…not so much Yami) will have to deal with Malic and Bakura on their own. Which meant one of them had to stay sober ("one of them" meaning Yugi). Oh god, he thought. What am I going to do!?

"They went on a trip without me!?" Mai looked genuinely upset.

"Well, their loss" said Yami, still eyeing the brandy. Yugi saw what Yami was staring at and stomped on his foot.

"Sorry, moment of weakness" explained Yami, hopping up and down on his non-injured foot.

It was at that point that Duke noticed there were people waiting on the veranda and opened the door.

"Sorry about that guys, I had the music up so loud I didn't hear the door-bell!" Duke apologised, ushering everyone inside then fighting with the wind to shut the door. "Well, you're just in time, me and Bandit Keith are going to play poker, any of you guys want in?"

"Sure, let's play," said Yami.

"Why Yami, I didn't think you knew how to play any cards games except duel monsters!" said Pegasus with the usual synthetic undertone.

"I'm in too!" said Mai. "I don't know how to play but you guys can teach me"

With all the commotion during the first poker game, no one noticed there were two people missing (of the homicidal variety).

Bakura and Malic had decided to turn up late so they could make a dramatic entrance. Despite this, their car was travelling well over the speed limit.

"So Bakura, what have you got to entertain me with tonight?" Malic enquired with fake innocence, turning to face Bakura in the driver's seat.

"Well, I'm sure you remember last time we tried anything big…" Bakura started.

"Could it be that the great villain Bakura has finally given up!?" Malic cut him off, sniggering. The car turned sharply

"Actually, quite the contrary" Bakura grinned. "We've failed every time and who has been the architect of our failure; Yami! After weeks of subtle information gathering, I've discovered Yami's weakness!" Bakura cackled manically. "It's brandy!"

"… Brandy…?" Malic sighed. "Weeks of recon and all you can find is an alcoholic preference!" Malic groaned, suddenly wondering if there were any good villains for hire that could come at short notice.

"It's not just a preference, it's an obsession!" he replied. "I left a bottle of it out and he guzzled the whole thing before I got back!" said Bakura waving his arms around for dramatic effect. "So tonight, we are going to exploit that weakness by slipping something into any bottles of brandy in the building!" grinning evilly, he pulled out at test tube of a green powder. "I call this Chemical DI" Bakura flourished the tube like it was the Holy Grail.

"What does it do?" said Malic, taking his eyes off the road. The car swerved into the opposite lane and was met by obscene language and gestures coming from the PO'd drivers that had to turn sharply to avoid them. Malic and Bakura looked at each other.

"…Did you want me to drive…?" hazarded Bakura.

"No, I'm the master of evil here and it's my car; no you cannot drive!" yelled Malic, still sensitive about his sudden loss of dignity.

_Later, back on the correct side of the road_.

"Now, where were we?" said Malic calmly, almost as recovered as he sounded.

"…Right, hang on…" Bakura floundered around looking for the vial. "Oh crap…." Bakura suddenly stopped, the colour draining from his face (what little colour he has there at all…).

"What is it now" groaned Malic, trying to remember the number for the _Villain Employment Office._

"I think … we lost it … in the accident…." Said Bakura slowly, his eyes going wide.

Their car stopped smoothly into the rest zone and stopped. Abruptly, the car started rocking and jumping to the chorus of "AHHHHHHHHHHH", "NOOO… NOT THE CROWBAR!!!" and "OHHH THE AGONY!!!" Bakura's face was suddenly slammed into the side window repeatedly.

An elderly couple strolled past, who saw the racket and came over to investigate. They craned their necks and stared in through the side window. Suddenly the couple started briskly walking always, having seen two males in a rocking car and a tangle of appendage and their assumptions filled in the rest.

"GAHHAHGG" gargled Bakura, his head jammed under his seat with Malic's hands wrapped around his throat like a vice.

"I'm sorry…what was that?" Malic abruptly let go.

"I found it," he wheezed. From his vantage point on the floor, he could see the vial wedged between the glove compartment and Malic's seat.

"Ah, I see," mumbled Malic apologetically.

"Here" Bakura wheezed again, handing Malic the vial.

Within a few seconds, the two homicidal villains were back in their seat, pulling out from the rest zone and were back on the road.

"You still haven't mentioned what that powder does" said Malic, sounding very interested again.

"It makes whoever ingests it enter a permanent drunken stupor" grinned Bakura, still wheezing and feeling his black-eye throb. "With Yami fixed for good, we'll have free reign to cause chaos and gratuitous destruction whenever we please!" Suddenly a traitorous scheme of revenge entered his head; involving his new anti-Yami weapon and a celebratory cocktail for Malic. "All we have to do is slip it into some brandy and leave it near Yami unguarded for a few minutes and Yami will be doing Gladys Night impressions before you can blink!" By now Bakura's ego was swelling to the size of a small continent. Malic, hearing the reply dripping in self-importance, decided to deal with Bakura's rising self-confidence before it gave him ideas.

"That is, if Yami's guardian angel doesn't interfere with our plan, which he will" Malic pointed out.

"Malic, this isn't a good time to start being religious" questioned Bakura. The comment was met with a cuff to the head (while which Malic skilfully retained control of the vehicle).

"I mean Yugi, you idiot!" Malic snarled.

"Right, Yugi…well, we'll cross that pain when we come to it" replied Bakura.

"Don't worry, I have an intricate and cunning plan to deal with the brat" Malic said with a menacing undertone.

_Later at the Party_

The game of Poker was going in Mai's favour. Duke, Yami and Bandit Keith had all run out of bets and were down to their underwear and Mai was up by $76.

"Gee, you guys seem to be losing a lot tonight" Mai said with mock sympathy. "I honestly thought you guys were letting me win until you lost your pants," she laughed, watching the penniless players shiver from the cold (and their lack of clothing).

"T-That's it!" shivered Duke. "I'm quitting while I'm ahead, how much for my clothes back?"

"M-Me t-too" stuttered Bandit Keith, almost going blue from cold.

"Oh, I don't know boys, maybe $80 each" she grinned.

"_$80 each!!! That robbery_" exclaimed Duke, still recovering from being fleeced by a beginner.

"Fork it over boys" Mai laughed, wishing Joey was there (and losing).

"M-man t-this s-sucks!" Bandit Keith fished out his wallet from under his chair and handed over a fist-full of notes

"Oh man, that's my concert money!" groaned Duke, handing over a wad of cash. "You know, you can be a real…"

"Hey, watch you mouth!" snapped Mai, not even looking up from counting her money. "Yami, since I'm so nice (and my wallet's full), I think I let you have your clothes free," said Mai.

"FHEWWW" sighed Yami. He hadn't even brought his wallet and he knew what Mai was like with debts.

"But you have to promise to tell me where Joey is staying".

"Fine" Yami murmured.

_Later_

"…Doctor, can you break the curse on my beloved Gregory?"

Everyone was gathered around the TV, watching a cheesy horror movie called "_Attack of Mutant Kittens"_.

"GRRRRRRRAAAAAAHHHH!"

The infected boyfriend had just exploded out of his skin as a cute little kitten.

"Awww, isn't he cute…er," cooed the generic victim girlfriend. Suddenly it jumped at her and……… landed in her lap purring and rubbing against the bimbo girlfriend.

"For god's sake!!"

"BOOOO!!"

"Man this movie sucks!"

"Ok, ok, geez, it's the best one I've got here, give me a break!" Duke yelled through the volleys of abuse and popcorn directed at him. Suddenly the doorbell rang (and people stopped abusing him).

Duke opened the door to find Malic and Bakura (who had a black eye and several bruises) standing on the veranda with a bottle of brandy and a test tube of green powder in Malic's pocket.

"Hi, hope we aren't too late" greeted Malic, trying to remember how to speak without death threats and abuse.

"No, not really, you missed an expensive game of poker and a horror movie" cringed Duke as another wave of popcorn invaded the back of his shirt.

"Great" grinned Malic, using a smile that couldn't look any faker, even with a chinstrap. Malic slid past Duke at the door, followed by a dishevelled Bakura.

"Let's get the party started!" cheered Malic. With that he pulled out a "Hits of 2000" CD and pumped up the volume. Everyone started to dance.

_(I apologies for the cp I just wrote. As you all probably know, people never just get up and dance when music is on, but that cheesy bit is there for the continuity of the story_.

With everyone dancing, no one noticed the homicidal yamis sneak off, out onto the back patio. Just after they had put on the music, Bakura and Malic had slipped out, trying not to be noticed. Unfortunately, they didn't plan for Yugi's inability to dance. He'd slunk off to the bar as soon as the music started. But while he'd been venting his tress over a large glass of ginger beer, he'd spied the yamis slinking out the back door. What are they up too? And what was with the vial in Malic's pocket, he thought. Dragging himself away from his glass, he followed at a distance. They stopped at the cane furniture on the edge of the patio. Suddenly Bakura turned around. Yugi dove for the best hiding spot he could think of.

"What was that?" Bakura asked suspiciously.

"Leave it you imbecile, the fools are all dancing!" growled Malic, growing tired of Bakura's antics. Reluctantly, Bakura turned back around and sat in the cane chair opposite Malic. Please don't let them see me, he wished, hoping his accommodating bush wasn't shaking as much as he was. His thoughts were cut off as Malic spoke, breaking the silence.

"With the fools dancing, badly I might add, it will be a simple matter for you to slip the powder into the drinks!" he grinned manically.

"Uh…Malic, I don't think it's a good idea to spike _all_ the drinks" murmured Bakura, his confidence in the scheme suddenly failing.

"…. What?" said Malic quietly, his words dripping with potential malice?

"Well…I…uh…didn't test the powder to see what size the dose has to be" squeaked Bakura.

"Really…?" said Malic, his face the picture of serenity. Bakura knew the opposite was true.

"Well, if we divide it amongst all drinks, it might not be enough to make Yami super-drunk"

Yugi averted his eyes to the senseless violence before him, cringing in sympathy every time Malic clobbered his underling with his chair.

"Wait!" cried Bakura, his hands raised in self-defence. "I said the powder _might_ not be enough, it could still work!" pleaded Bakura, a severed cane chair leg sticking out of his white hair.

"Well I guess you'll have to hope so, or I'll have to get out the duct-tape" Malic said innocently. Bakura cringed in horror, painful memories flooding his mind. Bakura nodded. His sudden vulnerability made Yugi almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"So get out there and start drugging!" Malic yelled, bordering on 200 decibels. Bakura ran out. But as he turned the corner, it almost looked as though he were crying.

"That idiot better not let me down, or else," growled Malic walking inside. Yugi sprang from the bush, his hair looking like a bird sanctuary. I have to warn Yami, he thought desperately, half slipping and half running around to the side door, his feet flying over the paving.


	3. Of Two Minds

**Author's Note **

Ladies and Gentlemen, thanks for deciding to read my fanfic. Now bear with me as I try and get the author's note over and done with so you can get to the fanfic quicker. Firstly, I've had to repost this series after a pathetic waste of life decided to mass-flame my work, not mentioning any names (cough Kovu 01 cough). This copy-cat troll has abused, stalked and harassed Kovu W for almost a year, so don't get the two mixed up. I know I took forever to finish this chapter, my reasons were, to some extent, motivation issues, but it was mainly because of my computer repeatedly committing suicide (Oh, how I hate emo-computers). Thanks to all those who reviewed this series before it was deleted, it made me decide to keep writing the 3rd chapter. Now, at the risk of sounding repetitive, **REVIEW**. I can't get better if no-one reviews. The hits are a minor tonic for inspiration but reviews are what ever author thrives on! Concrit is welcome. Flames will be ignored.

So please, read, enjoy and _**REVIEW**_

**Of Two Minds**

Yugi flew around the corner of the veranda, narrowly missing a large, vicious-looking shrub on his way through the garden. He clambered up the steps of small wooden platform at the side of the house and into the laundry, skidding on the tiling as he ran. He made it to the living room without incident but as he ran out from the small room, a conga line cut him off. He darted in all directions, trying to push through but the solid mass of people stood obstinate. A gap finally opened and Yugi darted through, catching sight if Yami on his way past. He was sitting in an armchair with a glass of brandy, talking to Bakura. Yugi put on an extra burst of speed. Please don't let him have drugged Yami yet! _He doesn't look drunk yet_, his more idealistic side reasoned. _Have you ever seen him drunk? He never looks drunk, even if he is_, sneered his pessimistic half. He reached Yami…and his momentum carried him past Yami's chair and into the pool table. He hit the pool table and landed badly, bruising his shoulder. He lay there, gasping for breath and flailing like a carp out of water. He recovered and darted over near Yami.

"…And I said, it's a turnip!" Oh no. Yami only breaks that one out when he's really drunk, he thought. _And I'm right again_, gloated the pessimistic side. Bakura laughed nervously, wishing Yami didn't guard his brandy so well.

"So Yami, you haven't drunk anything all night! Where's your sense if fun!?" laughed Bakura synthetically. This shouldn't take long, he thought deviously, eyeing the hand with the bottle of brandy.

"I know…Yugi made me promise not to get drunk" he sighed; looking disappointed, if not annoyed. He airily swished the brown liquor around in his glass, staring into it like the meaning of life was at the bottom of the drink, and all he had to do was guzzle it. Yugi finally crept up along side Yami (after what seemed like a game of pinball with the furniture) and spoke quietly to him. Yami nodded and got up. "Sorry Bakura. I'll be right back," he murmured apologetically as he turned and walked off behind Yugi. They stopped by the kitchen counter and Yugi began speaking. Bakura strained his ears to pick up what they were saying. Unfortunately, he was just out of earshot of Yugi's naturally meek voice.

"Yami! I just over-heard Bakura and Malic on the veranda! They have some sort of weird powder they're going to try and drug you with! It'll make you permanently drunk!" said Yugi in a near-whisper. He turned around, looking for Malic. He was sitting near the counter with a drink, grinning smugly. Yami turned around too, wondering what Yugi was looking at. He followed Yugi's gaze and saw Malic's evil grin. Then he looked back to Bakura who was the image of innocence. Is it possible that they were working together to drug him? Malic was always out to get him but Bakura, not so much. He looked back and forth in comparison.

"Yugi…" Yami sighed as be begun. _He's gonna tell you you're insane_, his darker side grinned inwardly. _You don't know that_, replied his more idealistic side. The darker side sat back smugly and waited. "I think maybe the pressure has got to you, have a drink and calm down." Yugi almost gasped as those unexpected, harsh words washed over him like a sea of needles. _And I'm right again__-again_, laughed the dark side. _Oh shut up_, retorted his lighter side.

"But I saw them!" Yugi couldn't believe Yami had just dismissed his warning like that. Those simple, yet hurtful and insensitive words seemed to echo in Yugi's head. Yami just shook his head and went back to his seat. Unfortunately for Yami, he'd left his glass with Bakura. This is gonna get interesting, thought Bakura, trying to hold back the evil grin for the sake of the façade of innocence. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the arm of the chair as Yami picked up the glass. C'mon, c'mon, drink it! Bakura watched as the glass lifted painfully close to Yami's face. That's it! Drink it, he thought frantically. His finger tapping became faster.

"You know what? I think I _will_ get drunk!" laughed Yami bitterly. He raised the glass to his lips. Yugi cringed as he watched the brown-amber liquid empty from the glass. _And the crowd goes wild_, cackled his darker side. _I'm right! Thankyou very much for coming_, it crowed. _And you know I hate to say it but…_, Yugi's lighter side cut it off. _Are you kidding? You love saying that_, it groaned. The darker side pulled a face. _You're right! I do love saying it! __**I told you so!**_It cackled once more. _More people should listen to their inner voice_, it grinned. _A lot of people do, they're called pyromaniacs_. His lighter side laughed. His darker glared at the other side. Yugi ignored them. He looked back at Yami, hoping against all hope that maybe, he'd been wrong, maybe Yami hadn't drunk anything. He turned and saw exactly what he didn't need to see. Yami's face had taken on a subtly relaxed look. His eyes had taken on the far-off look only characteristic to Yami while intoxicated. He almost fell to his knees, the sheer sense of finality made him sick and light-headed. He went and sat at the bar, collapsing in a heap on the chair and sighing. Yami had never done anything like that before. He thought Yami trusted him. But why didn't he? It's probably because he saw a potential friend in this new ancient spirit. Evil hadn't yet stripped this one of his humanity. Yugi sighed. Suddenly the front door slammed open, interrupting Yugi's dramatic internal dialogue. Tea walked in carrying a bottle of vodka in one arm and a miniature handbag in the other, dressed in weathered denim. She strolled in and sat next to an astounded Yugi.

"Hi-ya Yugi! Hope I haven't missed the best part of the party yet." Her liveliness brought some light to Yugi's dark, depressed state.

"Hi Tea, I don't think you missed anything special, just the dancing" he sighed, trying to sound normal but his voice must have carried some hint to his distress because Tea suddenly looked deeply concerned. "And a pathetic horror movie".

"You had fallout with Yami didn't you?" she said, smiling reassuringly. He answered slowly, only telling enough to palm her off but as he went on, it was as if the stopper of his emotions had come undone and the whole story came spilling out. When he'd finished he felt somewhat lighter. Tea, who had listened patiently the whole thing, sighed. "Did you ever stop to think maybe Bakura might not be involved?" Yugi's heart sank. No one believed him. _This must be terrible for you_, his darker side sneered at his other half, _you know, never being right_. His lighter side was about to give that embodied voice of pessimism a choking it would never forget when Tea continued. "Did you see Bakura put anything in the drink?" Suddenly her line of reasoning seemed clearer. It wasn't that she didn't believe him; she just wanted him to be sure. His lighter side cracked up. _How did it go? __**I told you so!**_ The lighter side cackled with laughter. His darker side just sat back calmly. _You know I'm going to end up right at the end, _it grinned, looking superior. _I'm willing to bet mental supremacy on it_. The lighter side smiled. Good always won. This bet was as good as its. "Go sit with Bakura; see if he's evil before you do anything harsh." Tea turned to stare at Yugi, mouth gaping open in shock.

"Since when have you been understanding, wise and annoyingly right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Tea shuffled and fidgeted uncomfortable under Yugi's spotlight gaze.

"Well…um…sometimes I…well…" Yugi's look bore a hole in her train of thought. "Okay, I watched Dr. Phil and read a lot of fortune cookies. Happy?" Her attempt at wisdom, universal understanding and enlightenment had been foiled once again and she was not happy. Ignoring Yugi's sniggering; she turned around to the bar and ordered to the open air.

"Citrus crush with two ice-cubes please!" Tea turned back around to see Yugi staring at her worriedly. It seems he wasn't the only one needing counselling. "What?" She looked genuinely surprised.

"Tea, there's no-one there…" Yugi said slowly. Tea turned around, back to the bar to find he was right.

"Oh…"she murmured, feeling colour rush to her cheeks. "But it's a party, right? Isn't there supposed to be some sort of caterer?" she asked, looking around for anyone in an apron. She found none and was disappointed.

"Sorry, no-one's catering. You'll have to make it yourself," said Yugi, wondering if she'd taken her medication.

"Alright, then I will!" With that she strode confidently into the kitchen behind the bar counter.

"Tea, what _is_ the best part of a party anyway?" He'd been meaning to ask before the impromptu counselling. Tea poked her head back around the corner.

"Karaoke!" Yugi couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably. Tea went into the kitchen.

What the hell was she doing? I can't mix drinks, she thought, I couldn't even make microwave lasagne! The her last attempt had required the whole fire department, half the police force and the Ghost Busters to keep the fire under control (the Ghost Busters had been called to deal with the resulting meal). She shuddered as the memory of the charred, blackened, carnivorous looking piece of lasagne eating one of the firemen returned to her with painful clarity. She'd been forbidden to cook for 2 years after and had to attend a "So You've Decided to Cook Without Incident" class. An hour later the building was on fire and her cupcakes had taken wing, draining their victims of blood. They'd told her never set foot in a kitchen again. Ignoring this life-saving advice, she raided the cupboards and fruit bowls for the necessary ingredients. What are the necessary ingredients? Well, let's see, lime, lemon, vodka, and…her expertise ended there. She was about to rip something out of the wall in frustration when one of the messages from fortune cookies past popped into her head.

_Confucius says: Demented lady who destroys world with cupcakes must never give up._

"Confucius, you're right, I'll never give up again!" Unfortunately, she didn't remember the second part of the message, which read:

_Demented lady have future in weapons business!_

However, inspired by Confucius' words, she gathered what she could find and lay it all out on the counter. She took stock of her ingredients: a jar of pickles, a cookie, 9 bruised apples, a lime, a bottle of lemonade, vodka and a jar of paint-stripper. Oh well, better than nothing, she thought optimistically. She threw the ingredients in a blender and hit puree. The toxic mix started well. The colours of the ingredients twirled and ran into each other and it didn't smell too bad either (weirdly enough). She grinned to herself as she filled the glasses and strode with assurance out to Yugi and left the tray on the counter, just out of Yugi's reach. She dumped the apron and was about to do an award winning victory speech the doorbell rang.

_(Yes, I know that plot device has been done to death but bear with me, it's for the best.)_

She watched with annoyance as he got up and answered it. Damn you and your manners, she seethed inside. Well, only a minor set back, she thought, I'll get him later. Only then did she realise that the cocktails where the liquid equivalent of an opal. Oh well, anyone who really needs one won't care about the colour anyway, she grinned inwardly.

Yugi stared into the patterns in the stained wood of the counter, searching for something…anything that would just make it all go away. First Yami tells me I'm hallucinating, Tea sprouts words of wisdom…and they're _right_, then I find out Bakura might not even be evil and I've made a fool out of myself in front of Yami. He let his head drop onto the bar and groaned inwardly. _Cheer up, you're not insane_, his lighter side reassured him. _He's hearing voices in his head telling him he's not the insane one, how much more off his rocker could he be?_ His darker side cut in once more, laughing (metaphorically) at its counterpart's naivety. _Let's get realistic here: you're listening to the voices in you head, you're face down on a bar counter, your friend is doomed to eternal drunkenness and you're looking for the answer in wood. Have I missed anything?_ His lighter side heaved a sigh in annoyance. Sometimes that embodied voice of Yugi's negativity went too far.

_Ding Dong_

The noise roused Yugi from his spiral of self-pity. Was that the doorbell? Yugi turned his head to check the grandfather clock sitting against the wall across from the home theatre system; it read 10:46pm. Who the heck could be at this hour? His manners fought his hedonistic self-pity.

Ding Dong 

_Get up and answer it, or they'll leave_, urged his lighter side, sensing an opportunity to tip the scales in its favour standing behind that door. Yugi's manners won over, delivering a 360-degree roundhouse kick to an already exhausted bundle of dark emotion. Yugi dragged himself off of the stool and headed for the seemingly ominously large door. He wrapped his hand around the large brass door handle and heaved it open, hoping it wasn't the police or anything else worthy of a headache. A pizza delivery boy was standing nervously, squinting in the glare of the lamps. His uniform was basically red with white edges. He held a comically large pile of pizza boxes, which teetered as he rocked on his heels. And on top of the leaning tower of pizza sat a stubby, strangely exotic-looking cactus in a terracotta pot. Yugi gave the youth a quizzical look.

"I've got a delivery of 5 large pizzas with a deluxe super-happy-fun-fun happy party cactus. That'll be $45.70 plus tips." Funny, he thought, I didn't know we'd ordered pizza. He was about to tell him that he hadn't ordered any pizza when Duke pushed hurriedly past Yugi, took the column of pizza boxes (stumbling as he went) and put a wad of notes in the bewildered youth's hand.

"Keep the change!" giggled Duke, already drunk. He then slammed the door on the bewildered pizza boy, who'd just received $120 as a tip. Yugi watched in horror as the potential avalanche of boxes completed another gravity-defying sway as Duke skirted a pile of beer bottles as he stumbled into the living room, carrying the hazardous pile of pizza. He suddenly stopped and hollered at the top of his lungs.

"Pizza's here! Come and get it!" The floor suddenly shook with the force of a stampede of famished characters. Yugi saw the conga lines dissolve and reform into a bone-breaking mass of people, all ravenously hungry. Yugi threw himself frantically out of the way of the stampede, landing heavily on his stomach. Duke took a little longer to react. The crowd ploughed head-on into the unsuspecting host, knocking him off his feet and throwing the pizza boxes and the party cactus into the air. The boxes fell into the crowd and were carried away; however the cactus completed its mid-air acrobatics routine and landed on Yugi. The heavy terracotta pot landed heavily on Yugi's chest, the blow knocking the wind out of him, making his gasp and flounder for air like a carp out of water. As Yugi floundered, the mass of people sat in the lounge room, devouring the pizza with the zeal of a starved lions. Yugi recovered, getting slowly to his feet. Why were there so many people? Duke only invited about seven people, definitely not enough to form a stampede. A sudden realisation hit Yugi. He gave a withered sigh. Great, as if this night couldn't get any worse, he thought, we've got party crashers moving in on Duke's house! He looked around for Duke, hoping he'd give them reason to leave. A small movement caught his eye as it swept the room. He found Duke. Actually, he found Duke's limbs sticking out from a pile of discarded pizza boxes. _Now the host is dead or permanently disabled, tonight keeps getting better and better_, his pessimistic side grinned. His lighter side gritted its teeth and tried to ignore it, to the mantra of _good always wins, good always wins, good always wins_. Yugi watched the ravenous group of party crashers devour their prey. It reminded him of a documentary he'd seen; only the lions were probably better mannered. They seemed thoroughly engrossed with eating. He wondered if he could rescue Duke before they finished. He crept forward, trying to be as silent as possible. Once again, the documentary sprung to mind. The hyena creeps forward; intent on snagging a slab of the lion's freshly killed prey. The lions, who are riveted with their hard won dinner, don't realise there's an intruder. The hyena is within a stone's throw of the meat when one of the lions looks up to yawn. The hyena freezes. The lion goes back to its dinner. At this point, Yugi had got up to get a drink, and when he got back, there were two carcasses, side by side, one a half-eaten gazelle, the other a brutally done-in hyena. Yugi gulped. He stepped over a sleeping party crasher, who's snoring covered his own clumsy, loud movements. He skilfully manoeuvred his feet through the mine-field of hands, pizza crusts and beer bottles. He progressed, slowly, but without incident. There was no need to rush, after all, if he _did _tread on something, he wouldn't have time for anything ever again. The brutal logic astounded his idealistic side. Nearly being mauled by a ravenous horde of party crashers seemed to do that to a person. He brought his mind back to the task at hand: getting to Duke before the carnivores finished their meal. He was less than a metre away. His confidence soured. I could have been a thief in a past life, he grinned silently. He stepped forward boldly towards a vantage point, an island in a violent sea of dead-beats. He'd be able to reach the violated host from here. _Hehehehe_, his darker side sniggered menacingly. His lighter side suddenly looked more perturbed._ Yugi! Look out!_ His lighter side made the connection and yelled a warning. If Yugi got mauled, the darker side would win the bet, something his lighter side would not allow. Yugi's foot paused just above a small, orange dog ball, only the size of a large orange. That was too close, way too close, he thought, his face tense with anxiety and dripping sweat. He precariously continued, edging his way around the mound of empty pizza boxes towards where Duke laid, his mangled limbs sticking out like bent sign posts. After a few more cautious steps, he was close enough to reach out and grab Duke's shoe. He slunk closer, stepping over the drooling, red-haired head of a sleeping party-crasher, like a stilt-walker. He slid closer and froze. A lazy yawn broke in the seemingly solid silence. Yugi turned slowly, every muscle ready to run screaming from the room with the slightest provocation, turning to the source of the sound. A hard-faced teen with a mane of blonde hair snoozed on top of a throne of beer cans, his mouth still wide open in an all-too-realistic rendition of that damned documentary. The teen finished the drawn-out yawn and slumped back into the surprisingly uncomfortable throne of rigid metal (he was too drunk to feel it anyway). Yugi nearly collapsed with relief. He turned back around to face the mound when the hem of his jeans snagged on the corner of a box.

_[For those of you who've tried something like this before (i.e. taking the bottom item in a pile), you know that despite the laws of probability, you always pick the one that brings the whole thing down. So, if you can't pick the safe item out of the pile, what hope did Yugi have?_

The whole structure collapsed in a crash disproportionate to the size. The rumble shook the whole house. In an avalanche of bitter irony, Yugi freed Duke but doomed them both. In the tsunami of pizza boxes, both tumbled with the force of the wave. They were thrown in all directions like dingy in a water spout. Yugi fought to remain above the flow, to keep his head in the air. Duke tumbled from the top of the mass onto Yugi, throwing them both out the back of the wave of refuse. He both lay, panting, on the top of the bar counter; fish caught and carelessly flung over any available surface. They looked at each other in silent awe of their experience and sat up in unison. A disbelieving grin moved up Duke's face. Yugi caught his own mouth trying to copy Duke's. They suddenly burst out laughing hysterically, clutching each other for support during their wracking fits of hysteria. For a moment, the whole circumstance of the party slipped away. All that was left was the laughter of incredulity and awe at their survival. Once their laughing receded to a mild chuckle, Yugi flopped back down onto the counter in exhaustion.

"That was incredible" he murmured, a grin creeping back onto his face. "They almost had us, but we got saved, by a tidal wave of pizza boxes!" He broke out into more chuckling, too exhausted for a full laugh. Plus his stomach still ached from the previous fit anyway.

"Never thought I'd be saved by pizza boxes…" he grinned, trying to fight Yugi's infectious chuckling. Yugi sat bolt upright, a look of indignation fresh on his face.

"And what exactly was I doing then?!" Yugi wasn't about to be discredited after risking death by party-crashers and nearly dying in an eclectic progression of natural disasters enacted by pizza boxes. Duke's bemused look was replaced by sheepishness.

"Oh, yeah, sorry Yugi," he apologised, averting his gaze from Yugi's look of both horror and offence. _C'mon Yugi, he was sticking out of a mound of pizza boxes five minutes ago. Cut him some slack_, his optimistic side urged. Yugi have one last huff and turned back to Duke.

"Don't mention it. Sorry…I just…haven't been going too well lately," mumbled Yugi. Both simply sat there, staring off into space in awkward silence. Then the party crashers caught up. The teen with the blond mane of hair rounded the tight corner with practiced speed and was feet away within seconds.

"Hey! You've still got money and food! GET HIM!" The rest of the pack was right behind him, panting with the sudden exertion after being in a drunken coma just minutes ago. They formed a semi-circle, trying to back Yugi and Duke into the corner. Duke suddenly darted out into a hallway and around the corner. Yugi, not wasting time while a vicious pack of potential man-eaters loomed and a hallway clear ran like a track professional. I guess potential death brings out the athlete in us all. Yugi rounded the next bend, not looking back for fear of what he might see. His breaths became ragged and pain spiked through his chest with every movement. The drawback of adrenaline: it's a chemical, not a miracle. Duke stopped suddenly ahead and called to Yugi.

"In here!" He flung open a stained wooden door and disappeared inside. Yugi followed behind, sceptical of Duke's choice of sanctuary. The increasingly solid rumble of the party crashers catching up reminded him that he had little time to choose. Duke chose for him. An arm shot out, snagging Yugi's collar. Yugi jumped with surprise he belatedly grabbed the arm and tried to pry it from what he thought was a strangle-hold. The arm yanked him inside despite his struggling; the force of the pull sent him falling backward onto the plush, Persian-blue carpet. He raised himself slightly on his elbow, trying to reorientate himself. This however, proved difficult when the whole room spun from the impact of his head against the floor. He lay back and groaned. _You know what would be easier than all this? Just give up! Leave Yami to wallow in what he made for himself. Remember, he drank that brandy against you're council, he trusted Bakura, even though you told him not to. This is his entire fault, just leave him to it, _his pessimistic side coerced. His lighter side scoffed at this._ Now that would be just peachy for you wouldn't' it? And I suppose you you're doing this solely for Yugi's own good and you'd in no way profit from him taking your advice? Don't listen Yugi, he's exploiting this any way he can._ The darker side scowled (metaphorically speaking). _Just you wait… you can't win…_ Yugi ignored their bickering. He tired to sit up again with a little more success. His dark eyes swept the room, taking in as much as he could. The blue carpet looked right at home under the four poster bed, a large, stained oak wardrobe and the antique-looking desk. Yugi sat in awe; everything in the room screamed majesty and luxury. When he told me that the Dungeon Dice Monsters had done well, he wasn't exaggerating, Yugi thought. Yugi turned suddenly, the sound of latches and locks sliding into place attracting his attention. Duke was securing the door with practiced ease and accuracy. The cherry on the cake was the huge dead-lock which slid across the inside of the stained wooden door.

"Duke, why do you look like you've done this before, and why are there so many locks for just one bedroom?" Yugi had regained enough to suspect that there was something he wasn't telling him. His unwelcome line of questioning wrought a drastic reaction. Duke stopped half way through sliding the bolt across the front of the door. He turned slowly then squatted down to face Yugi on the floor. His more primal sides stopped bickering. If they'd been physical, they would have been staring, mouths hanging open.

"There are some, who would see me as monstrous, an abomination to humanity…but I know better…"

Duke's voice had changed. It was smooth and serpentine at the same time, like oil sliding in Yugi's ears. Both sentient paradoxical voices in Yugi's head were screaming out at him in unison. _Don't listen! Run! Get away! Quick, before…_

But Yugi wasn't listening. The slithering music of Duke's voice danced through Yugi's mind. His eyes glazed over, like mist sweeping its cold fingers over an ocean, his consciousness was retreating into submission. He had fallen for a predatory trick older than humanity itself. If Yugi had been fully conscious, he'd have been shocked by what he was about to see. Duke's hair lengthened, his eyes lost their white, his teeth reached out from their gums, and his skin lost its tan and became semi-transparent. But Yugi wasn't shocked. He was in a place beyond the reach of such petty survival mechanisms. His mind was floating around in a tantalising daze of fog and stasis. There is very little capable of reaching through to where Yugi lay now. Duke began to chuckle. How easy it was to bring these humans to their knees. They pretend that they know everything, but ironically, it was this assurance in their knowledge which leads to them, in fact, knowing very little. Duke's arm snaked over Yugi's shoulder, pushing him forward. He moved without resistance. He was a hollow shell now, simply a puppet to be controlled.

"Now, let's see what your friends are up to" he grinned sadistically. However, he'd forgotten that Yugi wasn't without otherworldly protection.

_Two figures stood, standing toe to toe, stood on an island in the middle of a swirling abyss. Like mirror images of Yugi, yet different. _

"_See what you've done?! If you had let him quit, he….we wouldn't be in this mess!" snarled the darker one, his ebony aura trashing and twisting to match his serpentine rage. ._

"_Are you saying this is my fault?! If I'd let him quit, you would have sent him to an early grave!" The other stared back adamantly, everything about him denouncing the other. His golden incandescence stood solid against darkness surrounding the other. _

"_An early grave is better than this!" The darker one, with a lazy wave of his hand, produced a window to where Yugi's consciousness lay immersed in Duke's dark will. _

He lay, as if asleep, in the inky depths of a dark, infinite sea where neither light, nor any worldly force could reach him. It was in those tranquil, yet sinister depths, deprived of a body to control, Yugi's soul dreamed.

"_You see? He's lying there, comatose, while Vlad the Mutilator here sets the dinner table…!" he hissed, frustration pulling his face taunt as he paced anxiously. The lighter one simply stared back for a moment, letting his counterpart vent his frustrations to the open air. "…and the other one's drunk enough to put Tom Cruise to shame…!" he opened another window._

Yami danced clumsily on a karaoke stage, a lazy grin hanging from his face. He held a microphone in one hand and bottle of straight vodka in the other, slurring out a pathetic rendition of "I don't Feel like Dancing". He stopped, having forgot the words and giggle profusely. Tea jumped up and down among the cheering crowd of party-crashers and dualists.

"I love you Yami! Wooooooo!!" she screamed, waving her arms around for good measure. She pushed her way to the front with scary brutality and clambered up onto the stage. She grabbed the back of Yami's head and kissed him. The crowd became a symphony of wolf-whistles and cheers.

_Lighter Yugi stood there, transfixed in horror and revulsion. Darker Yugi proceeded to be sick over the side of the island, into the abyss. When the darker one finally regained control over his constitution, he stood up, shaking and wiped away the window like chalk from a backboard. The lighter Yugi stood there, shuddering and cringing as the vision replayed itself in 3D surround sound and crystal clear resolution. The darker one suddenly looked concerned. He walked over and waved a hand in front of Lighter Yugi's face. "Hello…?" Lighter Yugi's twitching subsided, and then he managed to form awkward, clammy words._

"_S-so h-h-horrib-ble." The lighter one lowered himself to the ground and began rocking in the foetal position. "S-so w-w-wrong."_

_The darker one suddenly looked genuinely concerned. He knelt down, his dark aura snaking into an immaterial gauntlet. He gave his counterpart a back-hand the face. "Pull yourself together! If you end up vegetated like this, we'll be cast into oblivion by some half-demon! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that would be! Two otherworldly spirits cast off by some dead-beat demon! We'll never be able to face the others again!" Reacting to the gauntlet, the lighter Yugi's aura spiked, shattering it into slivers, which crawled back into the darker one's aura._

"_I'm…fine now," the lighter side mumbled, raising his hand to where he'd been hit. _

"_Now back to business, how are we going to deal with Mr demon-spawn? Since Yugi's out of commission for now, we're not exactly spoiled for choice." The darker one paced some more. _

"_We could separate from Yugi and materialise?" the lighter one offered. Darker Yugi stopped, turned and stared at his Other in disbelief. _

"_Are you joking? I hope you're joking. I've been trapped with you for two millennia and I still can't tell when you're joking! Tell me you're joking!" The darker one's eyes expanded with utter horror at the suggestion. "What if our connection dies? What if the wards stop us?" The Ka spirit emphasised every "what-if" with another lap of the island floating above the void below. "What if one of them is a medium…or a witch or…an exorcist…or" the Ka spirit cringed "…a sorcerer? Remember what happened to Kai-Ka? He separated, 10 seconds later he's in a lamp granting wishes for whatever sack of beans comes and rubs his lamp the right way!" The Ka stopped pacing and massaged his immaterial face with frustration. The Ba spirit looked up, put-off by the Ka's violent disagreement with his sole, lonely idea. He stood, squaring his shoulders._

"_It could work!" he exclaimed defensively. "Even if one of them __was__ a sorcerer, they'd be too drunk to form a coherent sentence, let alone an incantation. What is your problem? I think you're trying to convince yourself more than you are me because you are scared out of your wits!" he bellowed, his aura spiking again. The Ka stopped pacing; it turned, shielding his eyes with his hand against the overpowering brilliance. He sighed. _

"_Look, Ba, all I'm saying is it's risky…more risky than I'd like, but if it's our last option, I'll do it," he conceded, wondering about the going-rate of an enslaved spirit. _

"_It __is__ our last option."_

"_Then may Ra keep us safe"_

_Then the two walked to the edge of the island, seizing each other's hand. They jumped. _


	4. Mystery, Intrigue and Love Inhuman

_**Author's Note**_

Yeah, I know… another monotonous author's note that goes on for half a page. Bear with me as I ramble on and I'll try and keep it brief. A special thanks to those who've reviewed me in the past, your reviews give me a kick of motivation every time I read them. I wrote this during a cold-rainy snap in the weather while I was bored; I hope you enjoy the penultimate final chapter of Yugioh and the Martini of DOOM. It's kinda strange; it was my first fanfic series and it'll be the first real one I've really finished. Call it sentimental but this is kinda a special moment for me. A special thanks to Anime-Pixie255 for getting me off my lazy butt to write, wether you knew it or not and to Indiglo, Aqueen and Anime-Pixie255 for their continual support. Well…without further rambling, I introduce the near final chapter…

(PS-I've decided to experiment with shorter chapter to make it bearable, so this one will be shorter)

**Mystery, Intrigue and Love Unrealised**

Yugi woke in a four-poster bed, under silk sheets that smelled of dust and age. He sat bolt upright, his head swinging from one side to another. _Where am I? Where's Duke? He was…_

The events of just moments ago blared into life, like a kerosene soaked match. _Duke's a…a…monster, he tried to kill me but I…what happened? _All he remembered was Duke looking at him with blood-red eyes, halfway through his grotesque transformation, then nothing. Yugi, trying to get a hold on the bubbling panic inside of him, looked more carefully around the room. The walls, the carpet and the ceiling were all the same swirling, void-like magenta, making it seem like he was floating in the midst of nothingness. Antique furniture, much like that of Duke's room punctuated the abyss. Everything was covered in either blankets of dust or large, white cloths; the house seemed to reminisce for tenants long deceased.

He sat up, supporting himself awkwardly on one elbow. The first thing he noticed was how stiff his limbs were, every movement seemed to cause the joints to creak and his muscles ache. _I must have been sleeping for…ages, _he thought, stretching to alleviate the rigidity of his body. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and tried to get up. Immediately, dizziness flung him back down again. Walking was out of the question…for now; he lay back again, seething with frustrated. Yugi lay back into the cushions again as he tried to order the anarchy in his head. _Ok, first I was running down a hall, being chased by the party-crashers, then Duke yanked me inside one of the rooms, then he…changed…then looked at me, then…nothing._ None of this made sense. Yugi groaned with annoyance, at his own vulnerability and how the whole night had played out. Was it ever as simple as going out, partying, coming home and recovering from the hangover? Suddenly he noticed the silence. Not in the house. In his head. The place inside him where those two forces bickered was simply…empty. Had he left them behind somehow? This was all just too confusing.

He flung away his sheets and made another attempt at walking. A few minutes resting wouldn't have done anything for his legs but he needed to try; to vent some of his frustrations on this one task. Once he got walking, things would turn out fine. Scrunching his face in effort, he tried to stand from his seat on the bed. He put some weight on his feet. They held. He put more weight on his feet, and more. Still holding. Then he made to get up. His legs cried out in protest but he persisted, grabbing the post of the bed for support, the smooth, dark, spiralling wood strangely comforting beneath his fingers. Strange that he couldn't get up but mere moments ago…

"Oh, you're up, you looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you."

Yugi jumped. He swung around to face where the sound had come from. A young lady, about Yugi's age, stood in shadows of the doorway, holding a tray.

"Wh-who are you, and where am I?" he demanded. The lady was obviously taken aback by his insistence for information. She walked in and placed the tray down on his bed. Yugi gasped. Both her skin and hair were all the same shade of muted green. Her hair stuck together in strands, vine-like in appearance and her eyes had no pupils, no irises, just a bottomless green. Her slender, willow-branch hands worked delicately to remove the lids of the containers on the silver tray. She looked up, and then she too gasped.

"Y-you're human!" she whispered, her branch of a finger pointing accusingly, her voice like a breeze through the treetops. She backed away, towards the door, and then fled, screaming into the oblivion of the dark hallway.

"Wait." Yugi's cry echoed through the empty air. She was already gone. _Who…or what was she?_ This was all too overwhelming._ Hang on, why am I calling it a she?_ When it had entered, it bore a strange, intangible, feminie quality. The graceful way she walked, the gentle breeze of her voice, the perfume of a thousand flowers that followed her, all conveyed the same thing. _Ok, so maybe it is a girl. But she's __definitely__ not human!_ _But if she's not human, then what is she? Maybe an ancient spirit like Yami?_ No, this was different, worldlier. While ancient spirits like Yami were smoke and shadows, she was leaves, flowers…forest breezes _Yami never told me anything else like this existed! _Her scent still mingled among that of years past; it caressed his face, making him flush with warmth, her voice still whispered to him. _No! _He crushed the euphorically warm feeling that stirred within him. _She's not even human and she's terrified of me! Plus I have bigger stuff to worry about, like where I am! This place looks at least 200 years old! Where's Yami? Where's those voices in my head? I…_

The self-generating wave of self-pity shattered his final defences and left him broken, sobbing into the pillow, then into the jagged arms of unconsciousness. His dreams catapulted him from one side of consciousness to another, random flashes of things he'd done, things he wanted to do and things that would have made him scream, had he been truly conscious.

He woke suddenly, feeling annoyed, battered and bruised; his clothes sticky from sweat. He lay back glad to be awake after a tough night, feeling more peaceful than he'd been while dreaming. _It's good to be awake_, he thought, staring up, absent-mindedly into the canopy above his bed. _Hang on, since when has my bed had posts and a canopy?!_ He sat bolt upright, snapping his head around, trying to find comfort in a familiar piece of furniture or decoration. He found none. The events that left him there came swarming back, each one privately screaming for attention. Duke, Yami, Malic, the drug, the voices which now stood silent. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. The whole thing had shattered his resolve, his composure. Just about everything about this place was alien and strange. A vision of Yami performing drunken karaoke assaulted his mind's eye, suddenly. The white-hot, curved talons of pain reached through his head and twisted his flesh around it. The pain swept through his body, rendering it still. He slipped into the welcome arms of oblivious unconsciousness as the vision unfolded.

"_C'mon get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'_

_To make you happy! Somethin' always happens whenever we're together…"_

_Yami slurred, swaying to the music and the beat of the heinous drug Bakura had slipped him. Tea was in the front row of the karaoke stage, a one-woman mosh-pit. _

"_I LOVE YOU YAMI!" she screamed out above the music. She heaved herself up onto the stage and swept Yami off his feet and kissed him like a vacuum nozzle. The crowd became alive with catcalls and wolf-whistles. Yami blushed, returning the kiss. He was barely sober enough to walk, let alone know what was going on._

Yugi woke shivering, despite the blankets, in a cold sweat. He felt like he'd been wrung out like laundry; he was washed with waves of weakness, dishevelment and nausea. His mind was burned out. All he could do was focus on breathing; he was frightened if he didn't, he'd stop. _Breathe, breathe, breathe,_ he chanted inside the burned out wreck of his mind. It would pass. He'd be all right. Maybe.


	5. The Deity of Indoor Plumbing!

_**Muah HAHA! Another Evil Author's Note!**_

Ok…where do I start? Um…I'd like to thank Anime-Pixie255, Indiglo and Aqueen for being consistent support through writers block and other speed-bumps. I'm glad to finally be near the Christmas holidays, and that means I'll be able to kick the fanfic to-do-or-die list where it hurts and get back on track after being derailed by tests, boredom and emo internet (it committed suicide about 20 times in a year and it's now on suicide-watch). Thought I might try having shorter chapters to make people realise that there is…in fact…more than one chapter to this story.

So without further ramblings by a victim of the education system, I give you the next chapter…

_**The Deity of Indoor-plumbing needs Help**_

Twisting…flying…falling. The twin spirits were thrown like leaves on an angry gale, down into the deepest reaches or being. They were pushed, stretched to impossible lengths, twisted, and imploded as they went. The dark void reached down into the infinity of space itself. Then, in a last wrench, they were separated and dropped into being. They picked themselves up hesitantly, looked around and saw each other. They were more transparent than they should be. The crossing had taken much of their strength; they probably wouldn't be able to go back now, their final escape having been deprived to them. Ka swept the area, looking for something…anything…that stuck out. They'd been dumped off at the temple of some kind. Its marble wall stood like protective hands around holy place, their swirling patterns of blue veins holding him captive in their sheer complexity. The pillars, statues and tiles of the temple were made from the same strange, otherworldly marble. Ka treaded softly as he explored their surroundings. They were in a hall, a monumental chamber of infinitely high roofing and statues standing in a guard of honour on the far sides of the walls. Ka walked along them, admiring the fanatic detail, even in the dark, punctuated by the occasional lit torch, he could see the hours of loving depth to these statues.

The first was a tall, wild looking demon. Two vicious-looking horns sprouting from his head like an antelope, and a strange neckpiece lay on his shoulders, studded with depicted jewels and chains of precious metals. His hairy frame was rippled with lean muscle; the entire figure stood with an air of power, and loyalty. Ba turned from his daze to see Ka walking off without him. With no such occupation, the fearful depths of the temple filled him with the writhing leeches of fear.

"Wait!" he yelled, the heavy silence parting reluctantly. He ran after his twin, then, seeing the gargantuan statue, jumped back in fright. "Ka!"

Ka turned around to see his counter-part cowering from the imposing figure of the sculpture.

"Ba, it's a statue." Ba looked up from his cowering and stepped forward hesitantly.

"I-it's so real," he exclaimed, looked up in awe.

"_Chai Ka: Demon guardian of the Mistress and loyal follower of Scholar Ling._"

Ba looked at Ka quizzically, Ka turned, seeing his counter-part's expression of confusion and sighed. He gestured to a line of carvings, winding along the face of the pedestal. Ka walked on, following the invisible path, which lead him further and further towards the greatest mystery of humankind. The cavernous hall grew lighter with an inky blue incandescence as they went. They followed the glow down the chamber to find the glow came from the fountain in the middle, further down. A fountain poured forth torrents of shining water. Stone fish danced in the frozen torrent of the stone sculpture, their mouths let loose the glowing water, like joy bubbling out of their very bodies. The same devoted detail stood out in this artwork, like the guardian-demon before it. Ka stood in total amazement at this wonder of nature.

"I-it's glowing," Ba whispered in wonder. Ka looked back at Ba, then at the pool…then jumped in. "Ka! No!" Ba scrambled to the side of the fountain and fished around inside for his twin. "Ka! Come back! Where are you?!" Ba was getting frantic, his arm swishing around in the empty water. "Ka!?" Ba wanted to jump in after him but hesitated. Just in time. Ka surfaced, at the edge and struggled out. Swimming was not his strong point. He lay there panting on the cold stone flooring, grinning while emitting the same inky incandescence as the water. Ba looked over, shielding his eyes while they adjusted to the sudden light.

"See Ba? I'm not a complete idiot, now we can se where we're going," he grinned smugly. Ba looked from the fountain, to ka, and back to the fountain again and looked like he was going to collapse.

"You scared me. I thought you drowned. I didn't know what to do." His voice, though barely a whisper, said much more than the words he spoke. Ka hadn't thought about how Ba would have reacted, and now he realised how much he'd _really_ scared him.

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't think about how scary that would have been for you." They were silent, one crouching, one sitting, both deep in though. Ka was first to break the silence.

"We have to keep moving. We don't know if time is relative here or not, and if we stay here, we might be too late to save Yami." Ka stood, followed by Ba and they walked on through the solemn cavern.

They stopped to look at the next statue, across from the demon-guardian. From her pedestal of the reoccurring blue marble, a threateningly peaceful young lady in oriental clothing, her hair in a plain, dragon-shaped pin. She watched out over the temple with intangible feeling of grace and power, tempered by calm. Ba bent to read the inscription of this new sculpture.

"_Scholar Ling: Devout servant of the Mistress. Gave her life to protect the natural cycle from those who stepped beyond their rightful station. The last of the Water Monk bloodline and died with the honour of their legacy._" Ba stepped back, at a loss for words. They weren't sculptures…they were memorials. Ka and Ba walked on, the oppressive darkness retracting, Ka's soaked body lighting the way. The next was a bald monk, smiling with the radiance of the glowing water behind the two.

"_Father Zhen Xui: even in death did he lead his people with honour and wisdom._

Hours of walking had taken its toll on the two by the time they reached the end of the sacred, cavernous hall. Ka was cursing violently at how long this was taking and Ba had taken to a mantra of 'Are we there yet?' By now, the glow Ka had acquired from the fountain's water had faded to a minor glow, making the darkness seem to press further and further inward. The atmosphere grew tense with apprehension and dread for what lay ahead. Spirits had told of a spirit, bordering on a god, who had the power to allow those who had no claim to life, into the moral plane of existence. Some accounts portrayed this spirit as a beautiful woman with tendrils of river-water for hair and clothing, while others deemed her as a coiling serpent with teeth like sabres and the size to back up the menace in her serpentine eyes. Neither seemed very reassuring. As Ka walked, he let his mind wander the endless maze of their situation. _Who…or what is she? Is she even a she? What if she won't let us pass? What if she tears us apart and feeds on us? If the stories are all true, she's a water spirit, a shape-shifter who toils to lure unsuspecting humans into a watery grave. Why would she help us when she hates humans so?_ Suddenly the inscriptions of the masterful sculptures made sense, in a confusing sort of way. The 'mistress' that was mentioned was her. This entire temple was in worship of her!_ What if she's a demon too?! Would she kill us or enslave us? Would she feed on them to increase her own power?_ It was well known to the spirits that demon power was built on the foundations of devoured spirits. If they were captured and devoured/enslaved, Yugi would never pass on from life into death. With that, another element of risk was added to the endeavour. As they walked on in companionable silence, they came closer to what appeared to be an altar, in front of a waterfall gushing from what looked like the open ribcage of a long, winding Chinese dragon (Chinese dragon in a Japanese anime…yes I'm aware of the irony) with scales like the murky depths of a river. The water flowed freely into the river below which was alive with giant carp (yes…another Chinese reference in an anime…no need to point it out), their colours a living mosaic along the white-blue marble of the riverbed. Suddenly a screech of something that could only be pain, echoed throughout the cavern. The claws of the sound raked across their senses; Ka and Ba doubled over, clutching their ears in pain. The echoes rebounded around and around their heads until they felt their grasp on consciousness slip. Ka's vision became tunnelled, Ba's stomach danced until the contents were ready to disgracefully empty themselves on the sacred site. After what seemed an eternity, the echoes died and left the two where they had collapsed on the floor, feeling like the energy of their limbs had flowed away. Ka rose slowly, testing his unstable legs like a new lamb. His feet shook, but they supported him without further complaint. Ba follow suite. The refreshing smell of water filled Ba's nose, tickling his senses.

"Ka, what was that noise? Why did it sound…like…well…if you could hear pain that was what it would sound like, right?" Ka turned to see if his twin was as badly shaken as he was. They questions were a bad sign, when they were fighting, he wouldn't have listened to him if he was the last spirit on Earth, but now he seemed to turn to him for support. Had this really changed him so much? _I guess it's changed me too_, he thought, astounded. Suddenly the fountain's sculpture moved. It writhed, twisted and squirmed like an impaled worm.

"It…it's not…a statue!?" Ka didn't know who'd said that but it was what they had both been thinking. The dragon turned what remained of its neck and faced the two with eyes of endless depth. A curling finger of mist crept from its nose down to the altar below and thickened. The sounds from the waterfall mixed with the smells from the water, until they both screamed into the spirit's senses. The mist drew in a faint breeze then dissipated until all that was left was a tall, elegant woman with curls of water that flowed down her back and taloned hands. She looked at them with something totally unexpected: a pleading look.

"Please, I need your help. Demons have desecrated my temple and my body to free the waters of life I guard, using it to bring forth half-beings, things of neither the heavens, nor the earth." She gestured to the dragon, coiling in pain as its open chest spilled forth torrents of water. _So she's the dragon…or she's the dragon's spirit, _thought Ba. "Please, I will grant anything you desire if you will stop this disregard for the sanctity of life," her pleading voice still held the majesty of a deity, but also the humility that defeat had brought her. "I beg you!" Ka and Ba looked at each other. Neither had expected their escape to be handed to them like this. Ka's face twisted into an opportunistic grin; he would milk this for all it was worth. Ba saw this look and glared his brother into submission. This woman radiated goodwill and a great respect for life. He would not let something so benign be taken advantage of. Ka recoiled at the glare and gave up on the idea. _Yugi and Yami first, __then__ we can bicker,_ he reasoned. A gift from a water-spirit would be worth nothing if they were exorcised from Yugi's mind by Duke. _Strange that we have seen the puppet but not the puppet-master,_ he wondered. _What creature would seek to ensnare Yami and Yugi, with a changeling-demon which had been setting the scene for years?_ Ka's thoughts were cut off as the water-spirit gasped suddenly, her back arching as she flickered in and out of sight. Ba leapt forward to catch her, should she fall, but fell straight through her. Cursing himself for forgetting her circumstances as a spirit projection, Ba raised himself from the floor and watched, obviously pained to see her pain. Her gasping ceased, like she had finally managed to take a breath, as she came back into focus.

"Please hurry, I have only enough to open a gate into the mortal world once, once you go through, you must restore my power or risk eternal existence in limbo." Ba's mind had been decided from the very beginning of the strange exchange, but Ka stood on the cusp, looking at the distance he could fall. Then, a single tear of humiliation, hurt and physical pain carved a path down her pale face. That pushed Ka over. He steeled his resolve and took the plunge.

"Well help you. Open the portal." Ba turned to his brother and smiled. It was times like these when he saw something nobler than his brother shine through the darker exterior. The water-spirit smiled with the joy of life-giving rain and gestured to a circular entrance through a wall next to the altar. Strips of sharp steel came from each interval of the circle, blocking the entrance off with the threat of just how sharp the spines were. At their mistresses command, the steel spines flipped back to reveal the abyss behind it.

"Hurry…" her voice was barely a whisper this time. Ka and Ba paused to look each other in the eye with twin determination, and ran through into what lay beyond.


End file.
